A simple story. Boy meets girl. Gunplay. Explosions. Sex. Poetry. Secrets. Theft. More sex. Vandalism. Wisecracks. Violence. Forbidden sex. Death. And a hint of love.
Bill is a young moody actuary, a badass wannabe: “There are two kinds of evil in this world. Smart and not-so-smart. The not-so-smart kind, they die off pretty quick. Natural selection. The smart, they become lawyers and generals and presidents. CEOs.”
Rebecca is a cynical waitress, blonde, trim and tough: “You’ve got to be willing to give up everything. There’s no tomorrow, there’s only right now. You suffer pain or you cause it.”
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The President of War is a brilliant, concise review of the Bush presidency. Everyone should read this self-published book to glimpse, step by step, the attempts of the war president to destroy the traditional values that had exemplified the hopes and dreams of America.
Elizabeth Gerteiny’s prose stirs your mind; her poetry touches your heart. It’s easy to forget some of the nuances that we have trudged through during the past 8 years. This self-published book brings them to light.
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A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains,
perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
I is for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!
P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.
W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have-- in my mind.
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On the self-published book, The Funny Side of the Street, you’ll laugh and you’ll cry, for it’s a place where people live, and sometimes they die.
Everything is imperfect on the Funny Side. Come take a walk there and find out why Sloppy Joe's dog ran away; be a guest at The House I Grew Up In; find out where Santa vacations; and meet Thievin' Steven and Alisa Balest who thinks she’s the best. Come sit on Richie's Stone Wall and play with Uncle Harry's Mustache.
On The Funny Side of the Street you will pledge your allegiance to the American Flag with all of your heart and with all of your soul. You’ll meet Louie the Bum and Patrick O'Toole who roars like a lion and brays like a mule. Tilly the Talked talks much about nothing, but Grandma still plays baseball, and Ruth asks God about war, hunger, and poverty.
She says, “I will rest my head now. My soul is Yours to keep, but answer all my questions so that I can get some sleep.”
You’ll want to read His reply. You’ll meet the Town crier, Minnie McGinny and the dozens of others who live and play on The Funny Side of the Street.
The Funny Side of the Street: an Eclectic Mix of Humorous and Inspirational Rhyming Stories is written by Ant Cathy.
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How many of us have eyed a piece of sculpture (better known as yard art in many places) in a neighbor’s yard and wondered how in the world anyone could find it attractive?
Most home vegetable gardeners at one time or another have had a bumper crop, particularly when it comes to squash. We don’t want to let it rot on the vine so let’s give it to someone for free, whether they want it or not.
And how many have wakened at night and gone to the kitchen for a snack only to find a cockroach already on the counter doing the snacking?
Most folks fall into one or more of these categories. We all face these and similar situations as we tend to matters around the home and garden.
As a former Auburn University County Extension Agent with primary responsibilities in row crops and home horticulture I came in contact with interesting people from all walks of life while living in Alabama.
Tuscaloosa County, Alabama is a somewhat urban county with approximately 150,000 residents. Even so, there is ample land for cotton and corn, hayfields and livestock, and timber. And, of course, there is abundant home horticulture.
What makes Extension employment so interesting is the interaction with rural and urban residents of the county. I’ve discovered the ingenuity and humor of mankind, on one hand, and the beauty of urban and rural lifestyles, particularly farm life, on the other.
Get Mow Out of Life is a mixture of situations and reflections. I did a weekly column in the Tuscaloosa News for 12 years. In doing the column I had the opportunity to visit with and write about many people involved in all kinds of situations. It is from these experiences that the essays in MOW have developed.
This self-published book is divided into several categories:
Around the Home involves subjects that pertain to the home landscape. For example, an antagonistic participant espouses the many fine attributes of privet at a meeting on landscape plants. Then there is a visit to explain butterfly gardening to a free-spirited commune where less clothing is best.
In the Garden takes readers into the world of vegetables. An exploding watermelon at a family gathering creates havoc for the grower. Surplus cucumbers end up in a gigantic green sculpture. A horsefly bite results in nasty consequences for an eggplant gardener and out-of-control cucuzzi squash chokes the landscape. Readers will see a unique aspect of vegetable gardening in these essays and others.
Weather affects us all so the Weather category is especially informative, including a precipitation lecture on an “ideal” rainy day and the consequences of hot weather on a chronic complainer.
Pesks (pesky pests) brings moles, possums, insects and other creatures to the forefront. A diplopodologist examines the fascinating world of millipedes and residents are in an uproar about the voracious feeding of Japanese beetles.
Everyone looks forward to holidays. The essays in the Holiday category highlight these special days. Deckscaping and a new hot tub gain prominence on the Fourth of July. For a Christmas present Santa and his trusted elf, Franklin come to West Alabama to install new turf, and on Halloween a skeleton explains landscape damage.
The Odds and Ends category brings readers to an eccentric scientist and his laboratory plagued by flies. An Auburn agriculture engineer also tries to enlighten a well-intentioned audience on lawn mower upkeep and a bumbling professor explains principles of the equinox.
The final category, rather nostalgic, takes the reader to a middle Tennessee farm where majestic trees, visits to the henhouse and metal detecting for Civil war relics, among other experiences, are recalled.
Many of the essays in MOW contain fictitious characters in situations that very well could happen, some with an exercise of the imagination. Favorite characters appear more than once. There are 66 essays in all.
Whether living in an urban apartment, vegetable gardening in the suburbs, or enjoying a rural lifestyle, most everyone can relate to MOW.
Get Mow Out of Life is written by Lloyd Weatherly.
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"Sticks and stones may break my bones..." never actually worked for anyone, did it?
1, 2, 3... Happy! is the upbeat story of Emma and James heading to school fully prepared to take a constructive approach to any unkindness. Their mom teaches them a practical life-skill that is not only positive, but also effective in dealing with the inconsiderate actions of others.
As a result, Emma and James feel in control, happy and empowered. What better path to self-esteem than that?
While positive thinking is always an asset, when young children are bullied, being armed with a tool like 1, 2, 3 Happy! can mean the difference between becoming a constant target of bullying, or stepping outside of the bullying cycle.
Make 1, 2, 3 Happy! a prerequisite to attending school! This self-published book is written by Joy Hoffman Gibbons.
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A short story told like a stand-up comedy act, all true. Me and My Hormones Walking Down Fifth Avenue is a self-published book that chronicles how a little Jewish woman from Queens experiences life. From the eyes of a childlike adult. Her artistic designing style merges with her scientific/medical profession.
Told in a storylike fashion to a friend, the reader. A spiritual love story of how an adventurous soul can overcome challenges and emerge grateful to live and tell her tale of "Bliss".
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An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."
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Cheapskate is a self-published book that finds some humor in how individuals cope on a practical level in the existing financial crises.
It allows us to laugh at some of the coping skills we do not want to talk about. Readers will be able to see that cheapskate skills can be practiced by members of all financial classes. And, that sometimes the biggest cheapskates are the wealthy.
Cheapskate can be viewed as a humorous survival guide for these financially troubling times. Or, it can be taken to an unnecessary extreme called Cheapskavery.
Everyone must find their own balance. A photo frame that says Worlds Greatest Cheapskate and has Scrooge in it, but is really for your own photo. A thermometer or graph with frugal on one end and YMBACS on the other. (for You Might Be A CheapSkate)
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Unusual and interesting experiences during the maturation process enhance a person's perspective on life and shape one's sense of humor.
"Handsome" Dave Philo was the beneficiary of many twists and turns during childhood as well as varied types of vocations. He never met anyone who didn't think they had a sense of humor.
Meager as it may be, everyone knows what makes them chuckle. The advent of e-Mail and the relative ease of sharing what we deem as "comedy" with our friends has more than demonstrated that point. Most of the jokes we receive over the Internet are not funny. Some are interesting, some are boring and occasionally, some are funny.
Dave prides himself on being a connoisseur of comedy that honestly makes people laugh. Spend time with him and prepare to suffer through his select stable of funny stories that have stood the test of time.
Some of his favorite writers and comedians that helped shaped Dave's comedy heroes were Ernie Kovaks, Myron Cohen, Woody Allen, Mel Brooks Steven Wright and Kehlog Albran. All of these practitioners of humor display an uncanny ability to weave believability into their non-sequitor, bizarre mirth resulting in unexpected outcomes.
Over the years, Dave has collected a portfolio of his favorite funny stories. He has chosen to share them with you and allow you to enjoy his take on comedy. This self-published book of humor is named "LOL: The Century's Best Jokes". It really has no connection to the former 16th president but the use of his name in the title will probably help sell a few copies to the unsuspecting history buffs among us.
Read, chuckle and enjoy the book. He needs the money!
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